Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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