Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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