i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
