I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
