Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
