Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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