Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize