And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize