she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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