i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
