Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
