Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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