I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
