Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
