i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
