I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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