yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize