I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
