I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
