so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
