Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
