no, he came in my armpit
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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