Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
