I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How naked do you want me to be?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
