I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When did angry sex become our thing?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
