Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
