We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
