It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize