I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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