"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
