I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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