I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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