drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
