I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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