i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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