Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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