Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize