remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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