I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
