I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
