Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
