Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
