apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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