I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize