I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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