I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
