i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
