So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
