My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
