I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
