I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
