Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
