I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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