Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
love makes seman taste better
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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