Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
