Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
