you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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