the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
