he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
