I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize