What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
